You said that life goes on...
But what about you?
I can't go on if you don't.
You can't make me...
Force me to sleep,
force me to wake.
Tell me not to smile,
tell me not to cry...
Tell me to always say 'Hello'
but never 'good-bye'.
Tell me you love me,
but don't ever lie.
You told me not to,
and yet I am.
I'm smiling;
but inside... I'm really dying.
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
I kind of (this is said tentatively) like it. The title however, put me off since it is very, very cheesey. Change it immediatly. Meanwhile, in the actual poem, there is no need to end a line with ... It's seriously annoying and doesn't belong in poetry (it only sometimes works in fiction, too). Cut out all the extra "you's". That word is repeated over and over. Expand on the imagery.
We want to know: Who is this girl?
~C
This is really vauge and cliche. We've all heard this poem before and it's boring. Who is the "you" in this poem? The repitition makes this boring and annoying. Sometimes repitition can be good, but repeated words make up most of your poem here, and that's not good. Some common repeats, "you tell, force me to, tell me not to, tell me to, etc." It sounds whiney and it's not going to hold the reader's interest. We want to know why this person is doing these things to you, and how you're reacting to this. Don't just tell us, show us.
I would scrap this and try again. Keep writing Max!
~Yoyo