I kind of (this is said tentatively) like it. The title however, put me off since it is very, very cheesey. Change it immediatly. Meanwhile, in the actual poem, there is no need to end a line with ... It's seriously annoying and doesn't belong in poetry (it only sometimes works in fiction, too). Cut out all the extra "you's". That word is repeated over and over. Expand on the imagery.
We want to know: Who is this girl?
~C
Points: 890
Reviews: 253
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